Why me... and other terrible questions

If you don't feel better after asking yourself the question, "why is this happening to me?" you are not alone.This unfriendly way we talk to ourselves is common. And it tends to lead to more and more berating thoughts. We can stop this cycle by finding a different way to navigate our thought process.We all have the ability to find solutions and feel better, we just haven't been taught how. Instead we tend to sit in a never ending downward spiral of negative thoughts. 

Torture Questions

What I've found is that negative thoughts often start with what I call Torture Questions. Torture Questions are questions we ask ourselves that lead nowhere good.I used to ask myself a bunch of Torture Questions."Why can't I get this done?""What's wrong with me?""What did I do wrong?""What are they thinking about me?"These are highly unproductive questions. 

Your Brain Will Try To Answer All Questions

I then learned that the brain is like a computer and it needs to be programmed. The brain is a detective that needs to answer any question you ask it.When I ask my brain the question "what's wrong with me?" my brain proceeds to answer that question by listing all the things that are wrong with me. Which leads to feeling terrible about myself. And then I get overwhelmed and get stuck in that space. Which leads to me to other Torture Questions and creates negative thinking patterns.But on the flip side, you can also steer your brain to follow a new line of thinking. I call this concept ASKING BETTER QUESTIONS.When I ask my brain the question, "what's wrong with me?" My brain answers with a long list of things that are wrong with me. But if I'm Asking Better Questions like, "how is this situation useful to me?" my brain goes down a completely different path that not only makes me feel better but is way more productive to my life.When I was going through post-partum depression I can see that I was constantly asking myself the question, "why do I feel so trapped?" and my brain would list all the reasons why I was trapped. One of the ways I was able to break through the depression was Asking Better Questions like, "How can I accept my new situation?" "How can I be more loving to myself?" "How can I create some space for myself?" I started to find solutions and freedom through better questions.What questions have you been asking yourself that make you feel terrible and stuck in a bad place? 

Let's Practice

1. Think of a current situation that you have been feeling badly about. Listen to what you say in your head about it.2. Ask yourself a torture question about the situation, maybe you can notice one you've already been asking. Notice what answers come and how those answers make you feel.

Examples of Torture Questions:

Why am I such a mess?Why is this happening to me?What's wrong with me/them?Why does this never work out for me?Why are they so terrible? 3. Ask a better question. Notice what answers come and how those answers make you feel.

Examples of Better Questions:

How can I use this to my benefit?What would be a different way to see this?How can I make a healthier choice?What can I do to make this situation better?How can I be productive? When you Ask Better Questions you will feel confident, you will be able to create a plan, and move forward powerfully.You will no longer be stuck in the "why me?" torture which doesn't serve you AT ALL. Share in the comments a Torture Question you've been asking yourself and what your Better Question is.