Grief in Everyday Life: It’s Not Always About Losing a Loved One
Grief isn’t always tied to sadness, and as an energy healer, I’ve learned that grief can take many forms. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or even a version of yourself, grief finds its way into everyday life in unexpected ways.
Grief comes up a lot in sessions with clients. More often than not I hear, “well the only person I lost is…”
The tricky part is that we often don’t recognize grief for what it is because we think grief only happens when someone dies.
But grief without death is real, and it can be just as impactful.
Are Grief and Sadness the Same?
On the anniversaries of my mom’s passing, people will say things like, “This must be a hard day for you, you must feel so sad.”
And while I’ve felt a sense of loss, I wasn’t overwhelmed by sadness.
It made me realize something important: grief and sadness are not the same.
Grief is the feeling of something/someone being gone, of absence, a void.
Sadness can be one piece of that puzzle, but what grief feels like can vary wildly from person to person. Sadness is not a requirement.
Grief can include numbness, peace, confusion, or even relief.
Understanding the Void Left by Grief
Grief is a void, and this void is what I see many of my clients struggle with.
One client of mine had built a successful business, and when she finally had a team to handle most of the work, she felt lost.
This was a monumental success that she was thrilled about. She had more free time but also felt disconnected and off.
What she was feeling was grief. It wasn’t sadness, but there was still loss — the loss of doing, daily purpose, the loss of routine.
Why grief is so hard to identify is that it doesn't always look like you expect it to. It can even feel confusing like, “this great thing is happening to me, why do I feel this way?”
In my own life, I felt this void after my parents passed, and instead of trying to fill it with work or distractions, I let it be.
I believe this void is sacred space.
In our culture, we often feel the need to fill up every empty space, whether it’s a drawer in our home, a pause in conversation, or in our lives.
But grief deserves awareness and attention, even if what grief needs isn’t always clear at first.
How Grief Works Beyond Death
Grief isn’t just about losing a person. It can come from losing anything we’re connected to — a job, a relationship, a dream, or even a version of ourselves we thought we’d become.
When I work with clients, I often see grief in unexpected forms.
A client might be mourning the loss of a job that, even though they hated it, gave them structure, camaraderie, and identity.
Or they might grieve the end of a relationship, even if that relationship was toxic. Parents often feel grief when their kids go off to college.
Grief without death is real, and it’s important to acknowledge it for what it is.
The simple act of acknowledging it allows healing to come in.
The Loss of Identity or Purpose
For many of my clients, shifting jobs triggers grief. You’re not just losing a paycheck — you’re losing a part of yourself.
Even the shift into motherhood comes with a grief for your former self, freedom, and time. Motherhood was a big one for me. I loved the life I had before I had my son. Feeling the loss of that created an identity crisis for me. I had to process questions like, “Who is this ‘mother’ version of me?” and “Where did the old me go?”
This type of grief can be hard to navigate because how grief works in these situations is different than when you lose a loved one.
There’s no funeral, no public acknowledgment of your loss.
In fact, society assumes that a certain time in your life is full of joy and we ignore the uncomfortable feelings that come with the grief of that transition.
But the pain and discomfort are still there.
Grieving Relationships That Needed to End
Even when you know a relationship had to end, it’s normal to grieve.
You’re grieving the future you imagined with that person.
You’re grieving the version of yourself you were when you were with them.
What grief feels like in these moments can be confusing because it’s mixed with relief, anger, and even guilt.
We might ask the question, “I did the right thing, so why do I feel bad about it?”
When a child goes off to college, it’s an exciting time. But this is an ending.
There was a specific type of relationship you and your child had when they lived in your home that will inevitably change.
And while it’s a wonderful milestone, both sides can experience a certain amount of grief.
The Loss of a Dream
One of the most common yet significant forms of grief I see in my practice is the loss of a dream.
Maybe you thought you’d be in a different place by now, and you’re not.
Or maybe things took a different turn than you expected.
I see this in particular when people haven’t reached a certain financial status, career achievement, or relationship milestone yet.
That gap between where you are and where you thought you’d be can feel like failure.
But really, it’s grief.
You’re mourning the loss of a future you planned for yourself.
It’s okay to feel that loss.
When grief is too much to bear, it’s often because we haven’t acknowledged what we’re truly grieving.
Even though it was the right choice for me, deciding not to have a second child was still a loss—the loss of the vision I had for my future and my family.
Avoiding that pain only made it harder.
It delayed my ability to fully make the decision, stretching out the agitation and leaving me unsettled longer than necessary.
When Grief is Overwhelming
There are times when grief feels like it’s swallowing you whole.
When grief is overwhelming, it can manifest as anxiety, stress, anger, or even physical illness.
In my energy healing practice, I work with clients to release these stuck emotions from the body.
Grief, when unprocessed, can become trapped in our energy systems, leading to emotional and physical blocks.
That’s why it’s so important to give yourself space to acknowledge, feel, and process grief.
Some people feel hesitant to clear these emotions because it feels overwhelming to acknowledge. Like maybe if you start, you’ll never stop. Or just afraid of what will be uncovered.
It’s been my experience that the anticipation of the feeling is often worse than the actual feeling itself.
And that once it’s been acknowledged and cleared there is a feeling of relief and lightness that can enter.
How to Start Healing from Grief
The first step in healing from grief is acknowledging it.
Recognize that grief without death is valid, and that what you’re feeling is real.
Name it.
Once you can identify grief, it becomes easier to work through it.
As an energy healer, I use practices like breathing, visualization and meditation to help my clients move the stuck energy of grief out of their bodies.
Try This:
Saying “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I don’t want to feel this way” can keep the feeling stuck in a loop because it’s a form of resistance.
Sometimes simply saying the words, “I should feel this way” is enough to get the emotion to move.
2. Then Try This:
Create a space in your home where you can just be. This could be a meditation corner, a comfortable chair where you can sit, or even just bed.
Light a candle, and let yourself feel whatever comes up.
Sometimes people ask, “what does it mean to just be with an emotion?” My perspective is that you conjure the feeling, then observe it in your body.
Notice where it is. How big is it? Imagine describing its shape, texture, sound, and color.
This isn’t about filling the void — it’s about sitting with it and letting it be, even though it sucks.
Journaling for Grief
Another powerful tool I use with clients is journaling. Writing letters to the version of yourself that you lost, or to the person or thing you’re grieving, can help bring clarity.
It’s a way to give those emotions a voice.
And when you put words to your grief, it loses some of its power over you.
Energy Healing for Grief
In energy healing, we work with the body’s energy systems to clear emotional blocks.
When grief settles into the body, it can create energetic congestion.
Think of it like a traffic jam on the freeway — everything slows down, and you feel stuck.
Energy healing helps clear that congestion, allowing the energy to flow freely again.
When grief is too much to bear, these practices can help you release what’s stuck and create space for healing.
Having support of someone who can hold space for what you’re experiencing and help you through it can make it so you don’t feel so alone in it.
Why Grief Needs Space
In a culture that values productivity, grief often doesn’t get the space it deserves.
We’re told to “move on” or “get over it,” but why grief is so hard to process is because it needs space. It needs attention.
Grief isn’t something you can rush through, and it’s not something you can avoid by staying busy.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it just suppresses them so they seem further away. Only for them to rear their ugly heads in some inconvenient and surprising way.
Honoring the Void
The void left by grief is sacred.
It’s uncomfortable, yes, but it’s also necessary.
Instead of trying to fill that void with distractions, honor it. Let it be empty for a while.
When grief is overwhelming, it’s usually because we’re resisting the feeling and/or trying to fill that void too quickly.
Give yourself permission to leave the space open, to let it breathe.
Creating Space for New Growth
That void created by grief can be a powerful space for growth.
When you stop trying to fill it with “junk,” you make room for something new.
It could be deeper self-awareness, new relationships, or a renewed sense of appreciation and purpose.
But that can only happen if you give yourself time and space to heal.
Grief Isn’t Always Sadness, and That’s Okay
As an energy healer, I’ve come to understand that what grief means changes depending on the situation.
It’s not always sadness.
Sometimes it’s a deep sense of loss with or without tears. And that’s okay.
Grief doesn’t have to look the way you expect it to.
Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or a version of yourself, grief deserves to be honored.
Understanding the distinction between emotions like grief and sadness is a vital tool that helps us move forward with clarity and purpose.
If you're looking for support in navigating these emotions and tapping into your own inner wisdom, check out my workshop, Intuition Made Simple.
Let's clear the noise and connect you to your emotions and intuition so you can feel clear and at peace.
With reverence,
Carmen xo